George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never  were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for  all that.  — GEORGE CARLIN

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty  things”. — GEORGE CARLIN

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” — GEORGE CARLIN

“”I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence? — GEORGE CARLIN

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.” — GEORGE CARLIN

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — GEORGE CARLIN